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11:17am 14/04/2009
  *sniffs* i hate colds. It doesn't help that this friday is my 21st birthday ^____^ i dunno whether to be happy or sad. on the upside I'm officially an adult, if its not completely illegal i can do it, no restrictions. On the downside, i'm officially an adult, i mean wtf happened to my child hood? i don't even remember most of it, i barely remember yesterday. My brains turned to mush. ah well, nothing i can do about it now, can't pause and rewind time. Wish i could tho. ah well.

for anyone on the general southend/ basildon area who fancies meeting up for a drink with me on my birthday i'm going to be in The Crown in Hadleigh from about half 2 til it closes so if you fancy coming please do, i've already inviting half my contact list on my phone lol

well, short and sweet, thats how i like it. til next month lol		  
      2 Saved My Soul
 
   
07:26am 12/03/2009
  Got woken up at 7 by, whats probably the worst nightmare i've had since i was a small child. spent about 15 minutes crying in bed til i came down to have a fag and a cup of tea. I don't even remember the details, but it just made me feel so terrible. My friend Tash had a nightmare 2 nights ago and i think thats whats given me this one. I can't be bothered to move, to think, to even breath now. Writing this is taking me ages. I've just started CCBT (Computerised Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and now i feel like shit because of one stupid fucking nightmare. Now i just feel... empty and tired.  
      2 Saved My Soul
 
   
04:02pm 27/01/2009
  ( Its like i can feel the sanity draining out of me )  
      2 Saved My Soul
 
   
02:56pm 25/01/2009
 
mood: shite
music: Brian 'Head' Welch - Flush
hmm, 14 weeks since my last post. I've been wanting to come on here and rant for weeks now, but now i'm here i can't think of anything to write. Crazy, isn't it?

Am I?		  
      7 Saved My Soul
 
   
11:11am 14/10/2008
  been suffering with toothache for a week now. had an abscess next to my tooth that grew to gigantic proportions on the left side of my face (i looked like the elephant man!) because my filling fell out and the nerves in my tooth got exposed and infected so i've had to have a root canal. which just reminded me that i just missed my appointment to have the root canal finished. wank. next appointments not til next tuesday. wank again. ah well, the tooth itself doesn't hurt anymore, its just the last of this abscess thats causing me grief and the antibiotics are clearing that up, recon it'll be gone in the next 2 days so hopefully i'll be pain free! i've been taking so many pain killers and shit over the last few days i can't even look at a pill without my stomach doing back flips and telling me how much it hates me lol might have overdosed by accident at some point too, started going shaky and what not. ah well, feeling better now, my face isn't a balloon anymore and the abscess just runs along my jaw line and shouldn't be there too much longer *sips her tea* ah! cigarette time me thinks. sorry i didn't say much, not much to say that isn't angsty and full of self loathing so i'll save it for another day. toodles!  
      3 Saved My Soul
 
   
02:44pm 02/10/2008
 
mood: Crappy
music: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Road Trippin'
supposed to be going to kesingland (or something) near great yarmouth for the weekend with friends but it might not be happening coz Spooner (my bf and designated driver) phoned me half an hour ago to say he'd broken his thumb at work and might not be able to go anymore. if he can't drive then fair enough, its not his fault, accidents happen. i just feel really disappointed and let down and just really crap. i've been looking forward to this for months. and i wouldn't go without Spooner, its not fair for starters and i'd feel like a right bastard for going without him. then saying that i'm making plans behind his back about moving in with a uni mate in plymouth without him for the beginning of november. our relationships going nowhere, we're drifting apart and we've only been going out 2 months.

( cut for lenth and gross-ness in parts. )

*sighs* sorry, ranting needed, feeling really down at the moment about everything and its doing my head it. i'll update later.		  
      3 Saved My Soul
 
   
04:10pm 29/09/2008
 
mood: confused
ok, so haven't updated in ages but there we go. things are going reasonably well i guess. my moods are changing more frequently but i haven't cut in over 2 months now though i do feel like i'm getting more paranoid, upset and jelous when it comes to my bf. i dunno, i just have comittment/ attachment issues in a big way.

not been up to much really, same thing i've been doing for over a year now pretty much. been seriously concidering moving to Plymouth with my mate Lauren. she's gone down there for uni and she's living in a £95 a week flat by herself, so if i move in with her that'll be half the cost, theres always full time jobs going in the area for none students and its dirt cheap (that flat she's got is gorgeous, even comes with a heated towel rail lol). i just need to get away from home, away from essex, and the further the better. don't get me wrong, i love all my friends here and its got nothing to do with them why i want to move, i've just reached a point in my life where i need to spread my wings and move on with my life. i'd love to move out with a friend and this is just such a perfect oppertunity. i know Spponer wouldn;t come with me, he's already told me that, but i don't think either of us would be too shaken up about it, we're not that into each other. i really like him and i love him as a mate but its getting to a point where i'm thinking about settling down and shit and he's just not motivated enough, and i don't think thats what he wants yet either. i dunno, there's plenty more thinking to be done

on another note, going on holiday this weekend with *takes deep breath* Spooner, Robbie, her bf ben, robbie's mum debbie, debbie's bf, Robbie's brother Joe, Joe's gf and their two dogs Toby and Max lol. its gonna be a laugh! not to mention that its up to me, Spooner, Robbie and Ben to find our own way to Kesingland which its a 4 hour journey away lol like i said, its gonne be fun!		  
      1 Saved My Soul
 
 
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